Let’s kick this off on a fun note and talk about jerseys. Much and more has already been written about them (ESPN, CBS, NBC, etc. all have their own ratings), so I’ll keep it pretty short. I’ll also provide a link to view the jerseys yourself at the end.
Three quick notes: (1) I hate a collar on a soccer jersey. I’m not going to the country club, I’m playing the world’s sport. And those things are always itchy as hell. Stop giving them to me. (2) A marathon bib looking style seems to be trending and it fucking sucks. Items (1) and (2) will be recurring complaints throughout this review. (3) l rank out of a possible ten points. My quick math tells me I averaged something like 5.7 (rounded up).
Group A
Ecuador
La Tri did well, especially in the blue away jersey. Its too bad they wont be around for long. 7
Netherlands
These are a divisive take on the classic orange. For me, its a hit and I might just splurge on a Van Dijk jersey for myself. The away blues are a little more timeless if you were worried, but Nike’s weird neck pattern is a bummer. 8.2
Qatar
Qatar kept it simple. Theres nothing to hate, I’m just asking if there is anything to love. Definition of average. 5
Senegal
The home jerseys are so good, but the away jerseys are so bad. 4.3
Group B
England
football doesnt want to come home if thats what youre wearing. 3.1
Iran
they tried to be fun, but they pulled from trends in the 90s in a not-good way. 1,000 protestors were probably executed objecting to this design. 3
USA
let’s face it, the home jersey is an atrocity. At least the tie-dye blue of the away jersey lands with some crowds (and aggressively not with others). I’m in the cool crowd. 5.2
Wales
what did I JUST say about the 90s, Wales? At least you probably cant see the weird shit on that home jersey from afar. But wtf is that on the collar of the away jersey? 3.5
Group C
Argentina
home jersey is timeless and the flag on the back is a nice touch. I appreciate the effort with the away jersey, but I feel like my 8th grade son’s club team wears this jersey and looks cool, not the Argintinian national team. 7.2
Mexico
Mexico always comes correct and the away jersey is immediately in the HOF category. 9.4
Poland
Home jersey is just off-brand England, but the away jersey is an incredible take on the classic Polish red. That alone saves them. 6.5
Saudi Arabia
another set of jerseys I wish was going to last longer in this tournament. 6.7
Group D
Australia
the away jersey looks like something BYU would wear. I cant look past that even if the home jersey is pretty sick. 1.5
Denmark
this jersey’s plainness is a protest against Qatar. Snowflakes in the chat are now triggered, but I think these both make a statement and look good. 7.5
France
yeah yeah the home jersey is supposed to make france look like royals. But why is the blue different from the blue on the away kit? Why did you have to ruin an otherwise spectacular away kit? All that fashion sense in France and you fucked up color matching? 6.8
Tunisia
a simple, but stylish nod to carthaginian heritage. Well done. 7.1
Group E
Costa Rica
mid. No shots were taken. No shots were made. 4.8
Germany
Initially, I thought the black and white home jersey was terrible. But its growing on me. The away kit, however, is not. At least it cant be confused for a bayern jersey /s. 5.8
Japan
I wanted more from Japan because I think their style is fun enough to give me more. Don’t get me wrong, these are quality. But check out their third alternate jersey, that thing slaps. 7
Spain
The home jersey managed to fuck up the classic and the away jersey makes me feel like I’m reading about Spain on wikipedia. Next. 3.6
Group F
Belgium
did Guy Fieri design the home jerseys? Next. 3.9
Canada
who tf manages the “jersey deals” in Canada that set them up to NOT get a new kit in time for soccer biggest stage? At least the old jerseys are cool. 6.4
Croatia
now this is how you do a modern twist on an classic. These jerseys hit. 8.5
Morocco
look I get it, countries have similar colors on their flags. But these are literally Portugal’s jerseys from 2010. No seriously, look it up. 2.9
Group G
Brazil
I’m here for the leopard print. Meow. But why is there a button? This is just as bad as the collar thing. 6.9
Cameroon
an attempt was made and I respect it. It didnt work, but I respect it. 3.9
Serbia
The home is a great simple-sheik design. Then the designer had to run a marathon I guess. 5.5
Switzerland
legend has it the doppler effect illustration on the shoulders actually makes it look like the Swiss are running faster than they are. Is that why they had to put bibs on in the away kit? 6.4
Group H
Ghana
Once again a beautiful home kit is spoiled by an away kit that just isnt it. 5.2
Portugal
this is the worst received Portugal kit in my working memory for a reason. At least the away kit doesnt double as the uniform at santas workshop. 3.9
South Korea
Now this is what were talking about, minus the stupid collar. Tiger stripe red? Yes. Funky ass away jersey for fun? Fuck yes. 7.4
Uruguay
The home jersey would be another HOF candidate if not for that damn button. The away kit looks like an Argentina jersey meets a sailor shirt as worn by a marathon runner. Yikes that went south fast. 6.6